Lessons from Jane Austen and Olde Society

Your humble blogger asks your pardon my preaching here - on the other hand, it is my blog - but there is something that has been on my mind for a while now. I want to address the art of attraction. I feel that there are many resources encouraging men to revive chivalry and to act as gentlemen. Most of these are initiated by women... and yes, we do listen! However, I feel that we as men have been immensely unfair to our ladies and have given little guidance or examples for them to develop the counterpart of chivalry: grace. But it's not entirely our fault... we, as men don't really know what we want half the time! But I assure you, there is nothing more beautiful in a woman than her inner grace and confidence. Being the old fashioned guy and the enormous sap that I am, I wanted to elaborate on this theme of those things most men want in a woman (and probably don't even realize it!).

1. Confidence. I want to start out with this in order to set the record straight. I will talk about modesty and self temperance but I do not mean to suggest any suppression of personal thoughts or feelings. So many women I know tend to hold back their opinions because they feel it's not important or whatever the reason might be. Be confident in your thinking. You never know what you'll inspire in others and how profoundly your expression may impact another. I might be careful about being blunt, as that may prevent people from taking you seriously and considering your views, but your thoughts and opinions are helpful and important. And if you're confident it makes everyone around you feel at ease. Another issue: if you're in a relationship, stand up for your beliefs. Don't be afraid to cause a fight...if it's a serious issue. Some fighting is good in a relationship. It keeps it alive, and if it's too big a fight for your relationship to handle, then it wasn't meant to be. On the other hand, don't be so overly confident that you can't accept help. For men, chivalry (opening doors, etc) is a sign of affection, and rejecting that is like a stab in the back! (Guys, in case you're reading this - and you should be - open doors for all women. When you are act entirely more polite and like a "gentlemen" only in front of a woman you are trying to impress, it's obvious, there's very little manly about it, and you look like a tool. Be a gentlemen in all situations.)

2. Dress to impress. You don't have to wear suits everywhere you go and conform yourself to what you most likely are not. That's not it at all, but modesty is important and you should make sure you dress in a way that both accentuates your beauty but covers you as well. You've been given wonderful assets as women and femininity is something that is very powerful. If you have concerns about what you're wearing it takes away from numero 1, confidence. Looking nice and being confident in what you're wearing frees you to concentrate on other more important aspects of your life. Most men will find in the long run that they're most attracted to someone who shows less because that mystery excites us. It gives us a chance to wonder. (Same thing goes with practicing chastity, by the way, but I'll save that for another day). You might not realize how much impact clothes have. Not just in the sense of modesty - it sets the tone for success. That's why some universities and advanced schools have dress codes. I see a lot of girls when I go out at night who... well I don't know why they even bothered with putting any clothes on. They could have saved a lot of time by just putting on their fruit of the looms and going out. And I wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole, but a girl who dresses modestly - it has me quivering in the knees. It just speaks so much about yourself and your confidence. ...and you need to bring her home to Mom. Take home message: modest is hottest.

3. Change your view of the opposite sex. I've found that whenever I go on a trip or to a special function it somehow becomes a singles hunt - and I'm also guilty there; not denying that! I'm going to try to remain religion neutral, but I won't hide the fact that I am holding up Christianity as a model. We need to view the opposite sex as our brothers or sisters and not a prospect for a relationship. It opens new doors and allows one to get involved and to interact without ulterior motives. Also (now, addressing women only again) be careful how you act around guys. Simply flirting goes a long way. A simple touch on the arm can send a guy's mind thinking all types of things that you may not want him to be thinking. I won't put all the burden on women, but put yourself in our shoes and consider that when you make certain actions.

Know yourself and be confident in it.


Ok this ended up being less organized than I intended. Thanks for reading! Hope it was of some interest.