There's one sense of controlling what we say that deals in the realm of manners and vulgarity. But just as important and often even more problematic is the spread of gossip. It can be stuff that we have heard and honestly believe, or just completely made up on speculation. Even the truth becomes rapidly distorted when passed on from one person to another - as anyone who has played "whisper down the lane" can testify. Whatever its source it can be awfully destructive.
An example on a very grand scale is the Boxer Rebellion of 1899.
Four or five writers in Denver found themselves with no good stories to write about. So, these four or five guys got together and released a story that China was going to tear down the Great Wall and open its borders to trading. It was likely intended to be a joke more than an actual "fake out." The story actually made its way to the front page of papers across the nation. The fake story was fairly quickly debunked, but had already had made its way to China and had infuriated the Chinese. Supposedly, they took up arms thus causing the Boxer Rebellion. Thousands of people died in the conflict that ensued.
This is actually a very common example alluded to in order to discourage lying. However, the allegation that this story ignited the Boxer Rebellion really has not been - nor will ever be - confirmed. Therefore, it's a bit of an ironic choice. Still the moral of the story holds. Rumors and gossip have immense destructive power.
Anyway, the tongue is one of the smallest organs in the body but is also one of the most powerful. "Nobody can tame the tongue - it is a pest that will not keep still, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, but we also use to curse man" (James 3:8). I have friends who have been the victims of gossip and I know that it destroyed their entire year. This piece of gossip was truly nobody's business.
A natural question that comes to my mind is: What is gossip and what is not? Is it only when you talk bad about someone, or is it when you talk about someone else at all? My definition of gossip may be different than most others' but here's an example. The View is mostly gossip - not so much because they are giving their opinions, but because they are talking about things, about which they have no personal reference. So my definition of gossip is to talk about someone or something to which you have no personal reference, or to discuss a personal issue with someone who hasn't been informed personally by a first hand source. So, if Jack tells Jill something, it wouldn't be right for Jill to talk about it with Sally who hadn't heard anything about the issue from Jack -the original source. And in certain cases, even if Jack had talked with Sally, it STILL might not be right. It's not so much the spread of information as much as the fact that these people are talking about someone without his or her knowledge.
If a friend tells you something in confidence, you need to keep that to yourself. Now, this whole thing is a little hypocritical, because I frequently find myself speaking about things that I should be keeping to myself. Nonetheless, it's one of those thing that we need to work on. The thing that kinda sucks is this: gossip is fun because it just gives you a story to tell and give you something interesting to talk about. But all of our mothers have said at some point that axiom of wisdom: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all." And if you're not going to say something nice, keep your mouth shut. Shut the hole! It really destroys people for a long time. You need to discipline your tongue just like you hold yourself to a diet or an exercise plan. Speaking of diets - that's a good analogy. Eating a lot of fruit and vegetables and staying away from candy and soft drinks eventually leads to a loss of sugar cravings. If you use your tongue to praise people, it reduces the propensity to want to cut them down with words.
The last thing about gossip is that it hurts how people perceive one another. Let's say someone comes up to me and I start talking to them about another person they don't know. Then, as soon they meet that person, they cannot have an open mind. There is already a bias in place. This struggle is related, "coincidentally" (although I believe that there are no coincidences with God), to the Gospel reading for today's Mass. The reading is a familiar one: "Stop judging, that you may not be judged. For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you." (Matthew 7:1-2) We do not know the circumstances surrounding others' actions. Even the thoughts and judgements we hold in our hearts are harmful to our selves and others. This passage is often misquoted to imply that we have no right to say what is good and evil. That is not the case. In fact we are explicitly called to judge good from evil in terms of what actions are good or bad, but we are not to assume to know others' intentions or inner personality.
Vale.
